Sunday, December 30, 2007

Not so good Samaritans and impatience

I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas!

Okay, Friday we went back to Lexington to get the rest of my stuff. It was cold and raining all day, but my dad and I actually made pretty good time getting everything loaded, cleaned, and back on the road. The problem is that after we got around Bloomfield, the Chevy Tahoe started having issues and acted up the rest of the way back. It took us four hours to get home! We're not sure if it was the fuel filter or rear end pulling too hard or what, but we would go 10-12 miles and have to pull over for 15 minutes, we'd go 5-6 miles and pull over, you get the idea. We pulled over more than 20 times between Bluegrass Parkway, I-65, and throughout Glasgow. Not once did one single person stop to see if we needed help or they could call someone for us or anything! People are rude and inconsiderate sometimes!! Anyway, it took most of the night, but we finally got everything unloaded so I am now officially moved out from Nicholasville.

Now for the impatient part...I have no patience and a short temper. I know this, I've been working on it. Sometimes I get upset at the kids or people over things I shouldn't, but I am doing alot better. However, I have barely been back a week and I'm hearing rumors that I don't want to be hearing and putting up with the same crap I moved away from in the first place! It is really frustrating!

On a brighter note, I still have not smoked a cigarette, even despite being in a smoky bar most of the night last night! Yippee for me. Hehe I was the designated driver for my sister and her friends! LOL Go figure. I won't even discuss the night except that dinner at Shogun was really good, I had never eaten there before. Okay, I'm going to get off my soapbox now. If you've read this far, bless you!

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Merry Christmas!

Me and Aurea

My Granny, my mom, my son Adam, me, my dad, my daughter Aurea, my sister holding my niece, my nephew, and my brother-in-law.

Merry Christmas to all. Thank you for the comments and concern. I am far from superwoman, but I appreciate the sentiments. Hope everyone has had a great holiday.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

We're moved...Kind of

Well, the last few days have been really hectic! I finished work on Friday afternoon and went home to finish packing and load everything up. After hours of loading the truck, we found out my uncle's FedEx truck was not big enough and we weren't going to be able to make everything fit! Not to mention, I was out of boxes so I still had stuff unpacked and cleaning to do and not much time. It was a rough afternoon. We finally took what we could and left the rest, we will go back next weekend or something to get the rest. It was crazy of course if my son hadn't of packed everything and I mean everything (he packed his TV! I'm not kidding I went to bed and he packed literally everything in his room! I was wondering how I ran out of boxes until I discovered this!). Anyway, we got to Glasgow around 8:30 Friday night. No, not Glasgow, Scotland. Although Glasgow got its name from Scotland, it is actually in Kentucky! I moved 2.5 hours away, not across the world! LOL

Anyway, we were all tired and there were things I could not find. We called it a night and made the most out of our first night with limited access to our stuff. Yesterday, we unloaded furniture and boxes into storage and the stuff we needed came to mom's. I then realized my daughter's underwear/sock container was still in Nicholasville! I had to go to Wal-mart to get her some! My mom wanted me to pick up a few things too and hurry back. Yeah right, that place was ridiculous! I think we have all of the major stuff here now, but there is still a lot of work to do! I'm trying to relax today. Tomorrow night is when we do our family stuff (except Santa since he comes Christmas morning) so I know after adding Christmas stuff to the mix there will be even more to do!

Sheesh, the next few days will be really busy too! I'm hanging in there though. I got to spend the evening with Shawn last night so that was a nice change. I wanted to do some visiting today, but my daughter has an upper respiratory infection and can't go out! Oh well, after the holidays....

In case I'm not back on for a day or two, Merry Christmas to all. Hope you have a safe and happy one.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Tomorrow is only a day away

Wow, I can't believe I am actually moving tomorrow! It just does not seem real. My house sure looks like it though. I know people think I'm crazy when they come over right now because my house is a disaster. But hey, most of it is boxes! Everything's a mess, but who cares? It's all being moved out tomorrow afternoon anyway.

Tychia came over last night to say goodbye and I got a few phone calls. Said goodbye this morning too and I know it's not done yet. It's sad, I hate it! I'm trying to stay positive though, I have a lot of people to see when I get back to Glasgow so that should help!

Today is day 10 of not smoking! Yay me! I'm proud of myself, but it's still hard, especially while trying to move! I got so much done last night though. Shannon kept both kids so I was able to finish Aurea's room without her there to pull everything back out!

Well, I guess this is it. I have today and half a day tomorrow at work and that's it. Then, we're leaving! My life is changing fast!!

P.S. Yes, she is obsessed with Hannah Montana! And the reason we're moving so close to Christmas is so once we get home for Christmas we don't have to come back and do it again. We can just start fresh while the kids are on Winter Break. Thanks for the comment.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Aurea's 6th birthday

By request, birthday pictures

Yes, summer clothes!

Amy, Mindy, Me, Beth

Melynda, Avrie, Aurea in front center

Me and my baby girl

Hannah Montana sheets

Hannah Montana pajamas

Hannah Montana CD

Aure'as grnadma and her

Avrie's brothers

Aurea and Melynda


Avrie and Beth

Aurea, Melynda, and Avrie

Aurea and her step-grandfather

Adam loves bumper cars

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

My crazy life

Aurea's birthday party Saturday was fun. We went to Gattitown and the kids had a blast. Not everyone showed up, but the ones who did were thrilled since they got the extra game cards and bumper car or carousel passes. I developed the pictures and scanned them all into the computer so I could post them to myspace only to find out my internet has been disconnected! (I'm at work now!) In other words, I'm going to try to save them to CD and then add them, if not, I guess I'll get them up there eventually. I think Adam had the most fun! He got to ride bumper cars and play some of the arcade games that were above the younger kids. I rode the roller coaster simulator with him, the seat shakes when the screen goes around the turns and loops. It was fun! Aurea spent most of her time on the carousel. Everybody had a blast!!

I'm still not smoking for those who have asked! Yippee, 8 days now! When does it get easier? Actually, it is MUCH easier than it was the first few days, but still not easy.

Three more days before the big move. Mom, dad, and Uncle Abner are coming up Friday morning (yeah it keeps changing) to help finish packing. When Uncle Tony gets done unloading his truck in Louisville, he is coming down. Then we all get to load it up and head to Glasgow. Adam is very excited. Aurea still not thrilled, but starting to come around.

Court was a pain yesterday, I'll spare you the details. Work has been hectic with it being almost the end of the year plus me leaving on Friday. My life is crazy right now, but hopefully it will settle down soon.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Moving/Packing Tips

onthegomom said...
Happy Birthday to your daughter! Have fun packing. I have lived in my house for 17 years and I have no idea what I am going to do when we move in about year (that's the plan anyway). If you have any good packing tips, you must share!!

--- I should have tons, I've moved enough! Okay for starters, don't plan on moving four days before Christmas! (It can't always be helped, trust me, I know -- but it's not ideal in cold, nasty weather with holidays coming!) Now for the packing tips:

  • Start early! I waited until the last minute once and it was awful! If you start early (2 weeks for me, whatever works for you, after 17 years you probably have alot more stuff than I do!) you will have time to actually sort things out and get rid of junk and avoid alot of last-minute stress!
  • Throw that stuff out! If you haven't touched it in like 17 years, it's time to get rid of it! I'm a pack-rat but eventually you get tired of moving stuff you will never ever use.
  • Plan ahead before actually packing -- make sure you have tons of boxes, tape, and newspaper or bubble wrap on hand (I do not recommend packing peanuts!)
  • Pack knick knacks, picture frames, and non-necessity items first and in advance. You're not using them every day so why not get them out of the way and then see how things are progressing? Be sure you wrap them well to avoid broken glass/porcelain pieces everywhere.
  • Fit things together like a puzzle, the more you can fit into a box (without making it so heavy it can't be lifted!) the better. Saves space and time during moving.
  • LABEL EVERYTHING CLEARLY!!!! I can't stress that enough! It helps to know which boxes go in which room, which boxes are fragile, which ones are most needed, and in my case-- which ones go with us to my mom's vs. which ones go into storage. It makes a huge difference.

What else? I'm sure I have more, but that's all I have for now. Hope it helps!!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

A little bit of everything

Wow! I actually have comments to respond to! I'm responding to a comment because I felt it needed addressing and where else would be a better place? LOL Damama T responded to my poem so Here goes:

Damama T said... Well meaningly, everyone always says, buck up... look at the bright side... hold on, things will get better... it could be worse... etc. etc. But if in your heart you truly feel the way your poem sounds, I am begging you to please find a way to locate a licensed clinical social worker to help you. They differ from psychiatrists and psychologists in that they actually help you learn to live TODAY and get through all its pain, while healing yesterday's hurts. Please take a minute to check out my story at http://damama2all.blogspot.com/2007/12/happy-anniversary-and-thank-you-cheryl.htmland feel free to email me if you have questions.
You CAN make the hurt go away and "let go of the past, my mistakes, my regrets, and all the wasted time" and you can climb into a better state -- You just have to find someone qualified to help you do it.
Good luck. xoxo

Thank you so much for the comment and support. I truly feel cared about. What you don't know is that I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder:

The link explains better than I can and I don't want to waste time copying and pasting when you can read it if you're interested. Basically, my main issue is having to deal with constant, drastic mood swings. I experience extreme highs and lows, but more lows than highs. I fit into 9 out of the 10 criteria for BPD (only required to fit 5 for a diagnosis!). Anyway, after my diagnosis by a psychiatrist, I was referred to the UK (University of Kentucky) Undergraduates in Psychology since they work on a sliding fee scale and I didn't have insurance at the time. Long story short I got dropped by my psychologist and stopped my meds.

However, prior to that, I spent a year in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). It helped me control my anger and to learn to deal with my emotions rather than acting on them. In other words, instead of lashing out at those who care, or more like myself, I channel it. I no longer have the same reactions. Now when I'm upset, I call a friend, play on the computer, write stories, or write poetry (like the poem you read). It helps me release those feelings without actually acting on them.

In other words, I really am okay. Some of my writing may not reflect that, but it's how I express myself. I don't communicate well in actual conversations, but I can write all day long! I probably should still be on meds, but I'm in the middle of moving and changing my whole life so it's too much right now to try to pay for therapy and meds, etc. etc. but I am dealing with my emotions constructively.

I'm amazed, however, that so many people do say it will get better, hang in there, etc. and don't understand (not just here, but people who see me every day!). I guess I just wanted to say thank you for noticing and caring and for the great advice. I also wanted you to know that I am okay. I've learned to take it one day at a time and to live for my kids and not everyone else. It was a hard lesson to learn. : (

Okay, other news: I decided to quit smoking!

Thanks to my friend Heather being the inspiration that she is and to my son nagging about my health (and his), I bought the nicotine patches at lunch Monday. Now as a pack-a-day smoker, this is not easy, but I have been cigarette free for 47.5 hours now!! Guess you gotta start somewhere, but GRRRR I just want to pull my hair out!!

Seriously, I'm doing well, but I am full of nervous energy right now. I probably should not have decided to quit smoking 11 days before moving (9 days now), but I promised Adam I would buy the patches instead of cigarettes when I got paid, so I did! I feel like jumping around or something though, this is harder than it sounds to someone who has never smoked. If you have, then you understand, and thank you.

Friday, December 7, 2007

Men will be Boys

Boys will be boys....and men will be boys! I don't care how old they get, men never grow out of wanting to take things apart and figure them out. Some have cars, others enjoy sports, some like video games, and some just like to take things apart and put them back together in another format. One of my co-workers enjoys the latter.

I work for an engineering firm and the surveyors often go out and take photographs of drainage basins, drainage ditches, and other things I do not understand. As such, I get the disposable cameras (we don't use digital because my boss worries about the cameras getting lost or dropped into a sanitary sewer, etc.) and take them to Rite-Aid for one-hour developing and then pick up the developed film. Needless to say, I spend alot of time at Rite-Aid. This morning a co-worker asked me whether the disposable cameras are then thrown away or recycled. Of course, I had to ask why! He decided the capacitor that ignites the flash and allows the picture to be taken (please do not ask me specifics on this) could theoretically be used to create a stun gun (only someone in engineering could come up with this!). Why not go to Spencer's and buy a zapper or other device? He says, where is the fun in that. THis would create more zap and I just want to see if it actually works. Yeah, okay. So I asked, they actually send the empty cameras back to Kodak for refurbishing so they can basically repackage the same camera and sell it back to you as new! Go figure. Guess we'll never know if this actually works, but if it does, I'm glad I'm not the unlucky guinea pig!! LOL

Tuesday was my daughter's birthday. She is now six and loved going to McDonald's, eating cupcakes her grandmother brought over, and getting to watch Disney Channel with mommy until bedtime. She did not understand that her party was not the same day. We're actually having it the 15th due to scheduling issues with family members, but that is hard to explain to her! She still enjoyed the attention though and cannot wait for the gifts she gets to load up on 10 days before Christmas!

Wednesday was our first snow here in Kentucky. It wasn't anything to brag about though. It melted as soon as it hit anything so it was basically a cold, wet day with kids saying, "What good is snow if we can't play in it or have a snow day!" Poor things. I'm glad that's all it was, I despise snow, especially driving in it. This time of year, I'm ready to fly south for the winter!

I called Wal-mart on Wed. and was told I could have all the boxes I wanted for free as long as I came in around 11 to 11:30 p.m. when the night stockers would be hard at work unpacking all of those boxes. Wal-mart was still busy at 11:15 p.m. (Christmas is close!) and it was freezing outside! However, I got a lot of boxes and began packing. I'm far from done, but at least I have a good start and I know if I run out of boxes, I can always brave the cold and head back to Wal-mart in the middle of the night!

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Moving Soon

I'm in a dark mood. I am going to be moving soon. Not to a big nice house or across town, but back to my hometown to live with my parents. I'm 29 with two kids and having to move back home! It's really depressing. I'm okay, just more frustrated than anything. Here's my poem I wrote:

As I sit here and wonder what went wrong
how did my life get so far off track for so long?
All I've ever wanted is to be happy and feel worthwhile
so why is it so hard to find a reason to smile?
Why am I unable to find the things I seek?
does trying this hard make me weak?
Am I destined to always fail and face wrath?
how did I ever get on this path?
For every step forward and two steps back I want to scream,
somebody please wake me up, tell me it's a dream.
Where are my friends, love, success, and all the things I should have by now?
I just seem to keep missing them or they are passing me by somehow.
Get a good education and do your best they always told me
I got two degrees and tried hard yet it doesn't seem meant to be
Be a good person you will be loved and you'll go far in life
if this is true, why can't I get ahead, why so much strife?
Why do I live in a world filled with so much pain and fear?
my own seclusion that closes in more with each passing year.
Why do I make mistakes with nowhere left to turn
how many times must I screw up before I finally learn?
I have hurt people and I have pushed people away
For that I am sorry, because all I ever wanted was for you to stay
I want to be happy and share with other in glory
that just does not seem to happen, it is not my story.
love with everything I have but I hurt so much more
sometimes I just wonder what all of it is for
I cannot let go of the past, my mistakes, my regrets, and all the wasted time
out of this state and into a better place I wish to climb
I have ups and downs, good times and bad
but through it all I still remain sad
This pain is something I deal with from day to day
One day I will finally find my way